Surviving your twenties

Lately with so much going on in my life there have been times where I have felt like the walls are closing in. Yes I'm seriously happy with a beautiful fiance, a wedding to plan and a house that we both own. However working up to 39 hours every week, volunteering as a counsellor on one of my two days off and helping look after my grandma (who is currently in care) leaves very little time for me to enjoy the fruits of my wonderful life. Don't get me wrong. I'm certainly not trying to claim that I have it hard; far from it. What my counselling training has taught me however is that experiences like depression, anxiety and panic are all subjective. What can cause one to rock in the fetal position in the corner of the room could happen to another and they'd barely break a sweat. When I feel the pressure and feel like those walls are within touching distance, I simply try to think about other times in my life and how far I've come.

Frankie Boyle of all people said something really profound in his first book 'My Shit Life So Far' and it has stuck with me in the years since I read it. I'm frustrated that I can't find the direct quote but the main crux of it is this. The majority of people seem to have a major breakdown or crisis in their twenties yet no-one really addresses this. Mid-life crisis? Sure that's a thing. However the idea of having a major identity crisis before you hit your 30th birthday may seem asinine to some.

Mine was at the very start of my twenties. One random Saturday afternoon in 2008 I was entirely positive that I was going to die. Perhaps all the pepperoni pizzas and kebab meat and chips (one meal folks) were catching up with me. I wasn't sure. All I knew was that in the middle of a shift at work that I was going to meet Freddie Mercury in the sky. NB: I'm not trying to be offensive there. I genuinely like to think that when I finally move on to the next plain that Freddie is there somewhere with a vodka and coke waiting. It turns out it was *just* a panic attack. Just. Anyone who has ever been unfortunate to have a panic attack will tell you it certainly doesn't feel trivial enough to warrant a 'just' before it. Well at least I wasn't dead...

I spent the next six months in a constant cycle of panic attacks followed by crippling tiredness and so on. It takes me a long time to fully recover from a panic attack. The adrenaline is so intense that I'm exhausted for days. On this occasion I fully believe I never truly had enough time between them to pull myself together. I didn't miss a day of work (although I should have) at this point and just carried on.

I pulled through only to stumble into another bout of panic attacks in 2009. I remember sitting on the bus and realising that for the first time in several months that it was happening again. I could have actually cried my eyes out... and I nearly did. This time it was this and the break up of a relationship that made me look at who this 23 year old man I'd become was. I had no idea. In my head I was still 16 and listening to Metallica 'til one in the morning. Perhaps I was the 19 year old that was the life and soul of a night out at university. He'd had high dreams to become a director and a writer. In 2009 I was working on a deli counter for a supermarket; far far away from my lofty aspirations.

I went for counselling shortly after my girlfriend at the time dumped me. To be honest it was for the best and would only have happened later. I simply wasn't ready for a relationship. I didn't even know who I was! Counselling was a huge moment in my life. It didn't mean I was crazy or insane; it simply meant I was brave enough and strong enough to ask for help. It had such a profound effect on me that I completed training to become a counsellor myself! My counsellor sat and listened to everything I had to say without judgement. If you aren't this lucky, get another counsellor. A good friend of mine told me his counsellor sat and talked at him for an hour before asking if that helped! I was lucky that I was given the space to look at my life. In comparison to some my life hasn't exactly been traumatic but I still had stuff to deal with.

It's nearly five years since my last panic attack. I'm 28 and yes I still work for that very same supermarket albeit a branch closer to home. The difference is that I know who I am. I will always consider myself very fortunate that my counselling training gave me an opportunity to look at myself and face up to what I saw. Some of it I didn't like; I still don't. I put things off for far too long. I'm crap with money. I'm very reluctant to take criticism. That being said there are things about myself I do like. I'm kind. I have an innate desire to help people. I like to make people laugh. I'm a son, a fiancé,  a brother, a friend and most recently an uncle and I can genuinely say that I've never been happier. Yes I have those stressful moments but I have something that 16 year old Mike didn't have: self respect.

Why have I decided to talk about this now? Let's think about what Frankie Boyle said. At some point in your mid 20s you'll have some kind of identity crisis. I consider myself lucky that I had mine at 23.  Some of my friends currently feel lost or unsure of their place in life.  It's a really shitty place to be. All I want to say is take a deep breath and look after yourself. It's not new agey. Chill out with your favourite film, cook your favourite meal or do what I did: put on your earphones and walk. It'll get better... after all we've got mid life crises to deal with in a couple of decades!!

I hope this has helped you and ask if there is any post here at Norris Approved that you share to make it this one.  I personally recommend the web forum NoMorePanic if you need support for panic disorder or depression. Plesse tweet me @NorrisApproved3 or leave a message below or on the Facebook page if you'd like to share your own experiences.

How much is TOO much for live music?

I'm off to see Black Stone Cherry later this month. It's going to be their first headlining arena tour in the UK and they are bringing along Aussie rockers Airbourne and Theory of a Deadman for support. For a great night of modern hard rock I paid £25 per ticket. In this day and age that's actually a bargain! Plus I KNOW that it will be an amazing show.

Black Stone Cherry at the Motorpoint Arena in Sheffield will be my 53rd gig (including festivals) since I saw Guns N'Roses and Foo Fighters at Leeds Festival back in 2002. Throughout the past twelve years I've seen acts as folky as Mumford & Sons right through to thrash gods Metallica but I've always had one rule...

Back in 2005, my sister told me that a friend was selling U2 tickets for the then City of Manchester Stadium. I agreed to take them off her hands before realising they were £60 each! As good as the show was I made a promise to myself on the train back to Durham: Never spend over £50 on a gig ticket. A £50 seems quite reasonable. Hell I nearly made if £40! As amazing as it is to see your favourite artists on stage, it's only one night and by the time you factor in travel, merchandise, food and possibly even a hotel you could easily be upwards of £100 out of pocket.

I've come close a couple of times to breaking my £50 rule. Festivals obviously don't count as you get so much more for your money. However there have been times when a really great band or singer comes to town and they want upwards of £50. Peter Gabriel is charging £51 (before fees) for his show at the Metro Radio Arena. I've seen Peter Gabriel once before (funny story I may tell one day relating to that) and he was great but I can't justify even that. Usher is also coming to the arena. He's not to my taste but obviously he's a pretty big deal. That being said he wants £61 of your hard earned money to sing 'Yeah!' and some other songs to you. I just can't justify it. Kylie Minogue wants £80 for a ticket to a show on her latest tour!! £80??? She should be so lucky! ...  ... I'll get my coat...

However this week I finally broke my £50 rule; call it inflation, call it weakness, I don't know. Queen's classic line up have been no more since 1991 when Freddie Mercury left us too soon. That hasn't stopped Brian May and Roger Taylor taking the baton over the past decade or so and hitting the road. One of the first gigs I ever went to was only their second show billed as Queen since the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert. Queen + Paul Rodgers played the Metro Radio Arena in 2005 and gave us younger Queen fans a chance to see our heroes play the songs we love. In that context I was happy to pay £50. It is still one of the greatest nights of my life. Q+PR returned to the arena in 2008 on their Cosmos Rocks Tour and again blew the house down. I genuinely thought that I would never see Queen in any incarnation again.

Their current collaboration with American Idol alum Adam Lambert has breathed new life into the band and has seen them tour the world for a whole new generation of fans. Their much awaited UK tour went on sale yesterday with a price tag of... £70. Well £60 for the cheap seats. I'm not gonna lie, I really thought long and hard before getting tickets. In the end it was only the fact that my mum was so generous as to contribute towards the price of tickets as a Christmas present that I decided to go ahead and buy them. I simply couldn't have afforded it on my own. I'm 28 years old with a mortgage and a wedding to pay for. £70 (or £60 as I eventually plucked for) is a lot of money! That could pay my electricity or a good food shop. Perhaps I'm getting older and my priorities have changed. I'm extremely excited that I'm going to get to see Brian and Roger one more time and the fact they've been singing relatively obscure songs like 'In The Lap of The Gods... Revisited' give me goosebumps. That being said I'm fully aware that what their promoters expect fans to pay is extortion.

I'm not having a go at Queen. I've listed loads of artists here who are charging a huge amount to let you see them perform. Queen (like all the others) charge so much because they know we'll pay it. I'm living proof. However I'm pretty sure that I won't break my £50 rule again. Some of the best shows I've ever been to were also the cheapest. Every time I see WWE Superstar Chris Jericho's group Fozzy, I leave having thoroughly enjoyed myself and having only parted with an amount of money that would pay for a takeaway for me and the missus. Steel Panther (as of 2014) never charge over £20 and put on the most hilarious and bitchin' show I've ever seen; so much so I'll be seeing them again as part of my stag weekend next March.

Then there's Black Stone Cherry... 5th time seeing them in a few weeks and I KNOW I'll get my money's worth. Not that I think they'll ever charge over £50 a ticket but like Queen they are one of the few bands I'd be happy to break my £50 rule for.

What do you guys think? Do you have a cap for how much you'll pay for live music? You may also be interested in reading a post I wrote a few years back about Gorillaz cancelling some UK shows in favour of touring America. Read it on the link below:

An Open Letter to the Management of Gorillaz

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